Monday, December 07, 2009

reality


So here's the truth: the month of December is a magical time filled with family, friends, Christmas lights, music, magic, glitter, snow, presents, togetherness, tinsel, bows, and at our house, a lot of talk about the baby Jesus and the true meaning behind the holidays. BUT, with all of the magic, often comes a lot of pressure......a sense that it is my responsibility to make this a magical, memorable time for my family....they are only young once, it's the most wonderful time of the year, etc..., etc....
And sometimes, that pressure is enough to make me feel a tad bit anxious, stressed, tired.

Which is why, for example, I cried twice yesterday.

Once, at church during "The First Noel." There was a young man sitting in front of us that reminded me of my brother, and when we started singing, I began to cry....just remembering how much we loved this time of year together, and re-realizing that we won't ever spend another Christmas together.

Then, yesterday afternoon, I took Christmas pictures of our nanny and her family. I was nervous, they were nervous, and the entire session was really a disaster. When I pulled the photos up on my computer, I saw how bad it really was. The lighting was way off, I didn't take enough shots, I didn't have them change positions enough, etc... And I sat there and cried. I felt so bad because I knew how badly she had wanted great photos of her family all together, and I had failed her. The self-talk in my head was not pretty! I began wondering why I had ever agreed to do this in the first place, I began telling myself that I am not cut out for photography, and that no matter how much I love it, maybe it just isn't my thing.
My bad attitude changed the entire mood of our home. Everyone could tell how upset and disappointed I was, and it really affected everyone around me.
So I went to bed feeling guilty and thinking about how I could have done things differently.

But today is a new day....and all I can do is re-focus my priorities, give some apologies where needed, and move forward. Thank you Lord for that gift!

2 comments:

The Frisco Russells said...

bless your heart! Today is a new day! and you are way too hard on yourself ~ smile! xoxoxo love the pic by the way!

Alijoy said...

I totally appreciate your honesty. I do know how you feel - I'm feeling the pressure too - all in wanting to do so much for our family and for myself. Take it easy on yourself. You're right. Today is a new day and those "not so good" days help make us stronger and better prepared for new days (at least I like to think so)! God Bless!

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