Saturday, March 31, 2007

epiphany at Barnes and Noble



Yesterday, Sienna and I went into Dallas to meet up with a friend of mine for lunch---we rarely see each other these days, and I have been trying hard to make a better effort to keep up with my friends no matter how busy our lives may become....... I had a little time to kill before meeting her, so we went to Recollections for some goodies and then over to Barnes and Noble for the new Oprah book club selection and a few magazines (of course).....


While I was in law school, I used to live right behind this particular Barnes and Noble and I went there as often as I possibly could---we live at least 30 minutes from there now, so it's been a while since I have been back to that store...Anywho, yesterday as I was pushing Sienna in the stroller up to the entrance, I had this strange feeling come over me.... I realized that I was exactly at the place in my life that I had wished to be just a few years ago.... I'm not explaining it well, but I remember walking into that Barnes and Noble on so many occasions during law school and seeing young moms taking their kids in for story time or just to browse through the kids section, and I so wanted to be that person. I longed to be a wife and a mother----a mom who got to stay home with her children and take them to book stores and the park and the zoo, etc..... Obviously I had a pretty romanticized version in my head of what motherhood would actually be like on some days :) but it felt so good to just stop and take notice that my dreams had really come true.

I have been complaining a bit lately to my husband about how hard it is to stay at home with a baby---especially after being used to going in to a job everyday....some days I don't speak to another adult until dinner time and I play mind games with myself just to get through each hour ("OK, if we go to Target and then get some lunch, when we come back it will be nap time, ....") I love the fact that I get to stay home with Sienna and there is NO WHERE else I would rather be, but the fact is, it is hard some days and I am just so thankful that walking into that Barnes and Noble made me remember how very blessed I am to have the life I have---the one that I had prayed for and the one that the Lord provided for me....

2 comments:

dragonflydreamer said...

If every mother were to be honest, she would tell you that it is normal to feel what you are feeling. Motherhood is a blessing. Motherhood is also hard work. When your daughter is grown you will not regret the time you were a stay at home mom. I am the mother of two grown sons and I don't regret the time I stayed at home (and felt much of what you feel with my oldest), I regret the time I had to go to work and the difference it made. Sometimes it takes a bit to fit into our dreams come true. Hope you are having a great day!

ginny (granny) said...

Sometimes we all feel somewhere else is better. Enjoy every minute of your little girl. I was about to graduate college when I became a mommy again (Amanda is now 23 & her sister is 38). I chose to stay home & be a full-time Mommy. I have never regretted it. You miss so much when you're gone with a career. Things you will be able to recreate. Enjoy your life, there will always be time for a career.

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