Thursday, January 25, 2007

A Racing Mind

is a bad thing to waste... I don't kow what it is lately, but my mind has been running a hundred miles an hour---thoughts about religion and politics and art and inspiration and friendship and marriage and home and children and how in the world to make this crazy life meaningful.

There is such a fine line between wanting to squeeze all the joy you can out of every minute we have on this earth = wanting to better yourself, become more educated and inspired, to be a better wife and mamma and friend and daughter and also just BEING = being OK with who you are today, letting go of the "I'm not good at this" self-talk and just accepting yourself as the perfect person you were made to be. I have a hard time with this....

Sometimes I feel absolutely oberwhlemed by all that I want to do. I want to be the sort of mother that has her daughter's sippy cups labeled and who always has diapers and wipes and snacks on hand----the sort of mother who has her scrapbooks updated and who journals each night and who creates wonderful memories for her daughter---who is funny and spontaneous and loving and honest and carefree and hardworking and giving and understanding. Who teaches her daughter by example, who gives great advice and who instills a love for the Lord above everything else. I want to be the sort of wife who cooks dinner more often than not and who bakes a cake to take to the neighbors "just because" and who creates a home that is warm and cozy and inviting and who has friends over for dinner and gives annual New Year's Day brunches. I want to be the sort of friend that actually sees her friends every now and then. Who gets together for lunch or coffee or a movie without feeling guilty about leaving the baby. I want to volunteer more and read the paper more and get involved more and learn more. Yet there is that part of me that knows I need to just get still somewhere and go to the Lord---to be silent and let Him answer my questions---to let Him take my worries and anxieties and do with them what He will. I am so very grateful that I have that comfort in my life.
I am so very grateful that just today my husband called me to talk about something that was on his mind that the preacher talked about on Sunday---he was thinking about it and he wanted to talk about it with me---nothing long or drawn out, just a quick exchange about something meaningful.
There will always be more to do, more to accomplish, more to learn, but for today, I am going to try and just look around and be GRATEFUL!!


Nancy said...

Okay -- so WOW -- I am totally feeling you -- I do too!! Maybe I should just say dittos!! The whole thing that you are talking about is soooo me! I am in Heidi's class with you and signed up for Happy Mail and just got around to checking this email and your blog and now I am here thinking exactly the same things as you -- weird I know -- so I am going to check for your layout in the gallery and listen to the download for today but i just wanted to say I am grateful for having found your blog and for you starting happy mail and for it being about the letter A! (My girlie's name is Audrey!) I'll be praying for you tonight -- thanks to Him for a new "friend"!

Anonymous said...

Amen sister!! Im totally feelin you on that!

Diane said...

I found your blog, I am in Heidi's class with you. I was just chatting with a friend yesterday about the same thing. I want so many things for my family and for myself, but I am tired of feeling like I fail whenever I set an impossible standard for myself. There are some women who seem to have it totally together, but I am just not in that place right now and that is okay. Hope that makes sense, I am typing onehanded while nursing my 4 1/2 mo. old.


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