confessions

SO I've been in a really contemplative mood lately.....thinking about where I am in my life right now versus where I want to be and about the changes I can make to move myself in the right direction. I have also been thinking a lot about gratitude and about being content with the way things are RIGHT NOW. The idea of change, progress and growth versus peace, contentment and gratitude has been an ongoing struggle for me.......where do you find the balance??

For me, lists are comforting.....I make lists all the time (in my head, on little scraps of paper. and I even bought a book the other day that has spaces for lots of different types of lists), so here is a little list of confessions:

1. I would LOVE to own a book store (this has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember) but I am afraid that the minute I open the doors, Barnes and Noble would open up right next door!!

2. I dream about opening up a little store in our town where Mommys can get together and create, talk, share ideas, have a cup of tea........sort of like a knitting shop/craft supply shop....a beautiful little shop with a fireplace and great art on the walls......

3. I have always felt like an "in-betweener"....this is hard to explain, but you know how some people are "Stay at home Moms," and some are "Working Moms" or some people are "Athletes" and some are "Artists" and others are "Type A" and some are "Gardeners", etc..... well, I never really felt like I have a TITLE. I am more of an "In-betweener." I am not a full-time stay at home mom, but I'm not really the person that can't live without their career either. I don't have one specific hobby that I am completely absorbed in, I don't really fit into one single category. Instead, I am just a Mom who loves her children like crazy, but doesn't particularly enjoy staying home with them 24-7. I don't really consider myself an artist, but I do enjoy scrapbooking and photography and I would love to learn to knit someday. I also like fashion, but I am not the girl that buys Vogue every month or goes to the mall every week. I love to read, but I have rarely found a book that kept me up past midnight. I love being with friends, but most nights you will find us all at home (and if I'm being honest, most nights you will find us in front of the tv). I try hard to be "green" by recycling and turning the faucet off when I brush my teeth, but there is really so much more I could do for our environment.

Anyway, this is just something I have been thinking about lately.....not really sure what it means, but I feel better just writing it all down :)

4. Sometimes I have the urge to completely start over with my blog, just erase all the previous posts and start fresh.......I start feeling like I want to post prettier pictures or more eloquent posts, etc.... but then I remind myself that this blog is a REAL representation of my life as it stands today (those are the blogs I am drawn to and that it what I want this blog to be).

*see photo above of my daughter dancing after dinner....it's not a technically correct photo, but I love it and it perfectly captures her spirit

So there you have it.....4 little confessions. I would love to hear yours :)

WOW

What a day!! I have been watching the coverage off and on all day and I soooo wish I could have been in DC today......can you imagine the energy in that city!! I have pledged my love for President Obama for many months now, so I won't belabor the point :) but I must just say that I feel so excited today, so hopeful and so energized. I really do feel like this is a turning point for ALL of us. I feel like we are headed in a new direction.......even the financial crisis is a chance for everyone to take a deep breath and reevaluate our priorities (do I really need to spend so much darn money at Target every week!!!). I feel like for the first time, ordinary people feel like they are truly part of this process......that we are realizing how similar we are truly are.

And once again, I have to say how inspired I am by Michelle Obama. She is someone that I can admire and learn from and she is someone that my daughter can be inspired by as well. She is educated and smart and savvy and funny and sharp and loving and witty and strong and nurturing and fashionable and spiritual and motherly......all the qualities that I believe make up a remarkable woman. I am just so excited to see what she brings to the Office of the First Lady....I am so interested to see how she manages her very important position with her role as a mommy to those 2 adorable little girls. 

This is just an all around great time for our country and I feel so blessed that both of my children get to experience this historic day!!

We had a really great weekend, filled with lots of fun, family and friends. Friday night, Johnny went to a friend's lake house, so after bath-time and putting the kids to bed, I had the TV all to myself :)

Saturday, we had some family time.....mostly just resting and watching movies and puttering around the house, and Saturday night I went to a photography class with a good friend. Learned a lot and realized how much I still have to learn!!

Sunday, I took the kiddos to Will's 1st Birthday party (our cousin) and then we had friends over for pizza. The kids had such a great time and all got along perfectly....at one point, I think all 7 kiddos were in our bedroom watching a Barbie movie :)

In other news......I have mentioned before how much I adore reading Alexandra Stoddard's books and this weekend I picked up one of her older ones: "Gracious Living in a New World"........it is another great one and so very inspiring!! Here are some little tidbits that caught my attention.

"Our ability to find grace in daily living depends upon how much we participate in finding it. When we work with our hands, we find grace in the process----and a surge of energy."

"When we are creating, we are most alive, and most grace-filled. We must never lose sight of the joy of the process."

"We should never feel we are wasting time when we take the long way to accomplish a task, or when we choose to use our own two hands over a machine."

Alexandra writes all about gracious living and finding meaning in even the simplest of tasks. She reminds me that we can turn ordinary moments into extraordinary memories if we are present and open to the experience. She finds meaning in the processes of washing dishes, polishing silver, cutting vegetables, mowing the grass, arranging flowers, and ironing!! And although I can't exactly claim that I get excited about doing the dishes or the laundry, she did remind me of the simple joys that can come from doing things by hand: writing a letter to a friend rather than dashing off an email, hand-washing Grant's bottles, putting photos in an album, setting a pretty table......so many every day "tasks" that can really be enjoyable if I change my outlook. Just some things to think about........

change

I am not very good at change...I tend to get pretty cozy in my comfort zone and I find myself dreading change even when I know (intellectually) that the change will be good for me (or for someone that I love).

This week, we have had lots of changes around our house. Sienna finally got a big-girl bed yesterday, and I couldn't sleep for 3-4 nights before the bed arrived, worrying about how the transition was going to go. I conjured up all the nightmare scenarios that I possibly could: she would hate the new bed, she wouldn't sleep for weeks, she would wake up at 5am every morning, etc...... And although I know we are not out of the woods quite yet, she did sleep ALL NIGHT in her big-girl bed with no problem. The problem is, I had already allowed myself to experience the worst possible outcomes, and they never even materialized....that adds up to lots of wasted time spent worrying instead of taking my concerns to the Lord and remembering that He is in control of everything.

I have also spent countless hours over the last week agonizing over our decision to put Sienna in a new school.....I know without a doubt that we have made the right decision, but I have still spent way too much time worrying about all sorts of what-ifs (i.e. are we forcing too many changes on Sienna at one time, will she miss her old friends, what will we do about her dance classes, etc...) I'm sure one day I will look back on all of this and just laugh, but this is where we are right now.

I realize that our little girl is growing up so fast, and my responsibilities as her mother are becoming more crucial every single day. It is humbling and often scary to realize that the decisions I make today will affect ALL of her tomorrows!! So the trick is, to understand the seriousness of my task without allowing worry, doubt and anxiety to take over.

Mostly, I just want my children to know that I am so very honored to be their Mother and that I am doing my best to make decisions that will be in their very best interest.

one little word

Sweet Grant after enjoying his daily Biter Biscuit :)

Lovely little self-portrait at 12:00am on New Year's Day

Our budding rock star enjoying one of her presents from her birthday this year

I have been pondering my One Little Word for the year and here are my favorites:

Pray

Nurture

Positive

Purpose

I think the one that really captures what I want from this year is Nurture. I want to nurture my family by spending more quality time together (less time in front of the television, more time outside or reading stories together). 

I want to nurture my marriage by being proactive and planning more date nights and maybe even some weekend get-aways this year.

I want to nurture my family by making our home a safe, comfortable, welcoming environment and by cooking more healthy meals this year. 

I want to nurture my friendships by making them a priority this year.....I have really let this area of my life fall to the back burner. I guess that is part of having a new born, but it's also just a result of me being lazy and complacent in my friendships. I really want to put more time and effort into my friends this year and hopefully even make some new ones along the way. Johnny and I are praying for a "couple" friendship to come into our lives. 

I also want to nurture myself by doing the things that bring me joy.......by spending time creating and learning more about photography, reading great books, traveling, and spending time with The Lord.

I want to be patient with myself and the goals I have set this year. Instead of racing to check things off my list, I want to look at this year as a time to nurture those parts of my life that need attention and loving care.

I'm curious, what is your One Little Word this year???

a new year, a new beginning

So much on my mind for the New Year.....lots of changes I want to make, lots of things I want to incorporate into our lives and a few things I want to let go of in 2009. Today, I am a little under the weather. I hate this yucky-sinusy-allergy-my head feels 10 times its normal size feeling, but I know it is my body's way of letting me know that I need to rest....to recover from all the celebrating of the past couple weeks, to hibernate for a day or 2 and gear up for the first Monday of the New Year.

I am still deciding on my One Little Word for the year.....I read over the list of words on Ali Edard's blog and so many jumped out at me. Hopefully one will stand out over the next few days.

Other ideas rolling around in my mind:

1. Can't wait to get started on my Project 365

2. Looking forward to planning a few trips this year......we will definitely make our annual trip to Seaside and I am also hoping to take a trip to New York (maybe even by myself??)

3. Hosting some girls only scrapbooking/creativity retreats in our home this year

4. Learning to knit

5. Cooking up a storm

6. Finishing Grant's baby book (he will already be a year old on January 29th)

7. Nurturing my photography skills

8. Making date nights a priority

9. Tackling some home-improvement/decorating projects

10. Getting my feet wet in criminal defense law.....so nervous about this!!